Thursday

I feel like I am in this time warp and expecting to wake up at anytime and everything will either be shattered in my world or everything is going to be ok. Emotions don't know where to go. Too many things happening in a short period of time. I just have to rely on God to point us in the right direction. No surgery which actually makes me relieved as it's such a scary dangerous thing to be done to your brain as their is so much that could go wrong. But the reason is that the tumor is a fast growing one that they believe may not take much time to cause major issues including death. They were basically going to just move him into palliative care which means hospice and waiting to die. We said we wanted to talk to the oncologist and see the MRI to see exactly what they were seeing. Also to ask if there was anything at all that may help. Oncologist said there is a drug that they have had good success with in fighting metastatic brain tumors (Avastin) and combined with 5FU. This would go against what we had been doing but when you are in a position of choosing to do nothing but what you have been doing in hopes that will maintain or using something they tell you may prolong your life, what do you do? It's a crap shoot either way and only God knows when it will be Ric's time to leave this earth. Since we caught it in "time" by realizing that something wasn't quite right and getting him here was that God pointing us in that right direction? And not just taking what some doctors said we needed to do and continuing to question them to make sure there weren't other options, was that God pointing us in the right direction? So we have till morning to let them know do we want Ric to go the Avastin/5FU route or not? They say we need to start it soon as there isn't much time. It's hard to think about it when Ric is 100 times better today than he was yesterday when we came in. So don't have a real update other than something will be happening tomorrow. He said he wants to live so we will do what it takes to allow him to do that until God calls him home.