Pity Party

So I need to vent today! Sorry that you all get to be a part of it. Cancer sucks royally! It's a major rollercoaster so this blog name fits it for sure. It takes you up to the top then throws you back down quickly. I REALLY want my life to get back to normal again although it will never be normal again no matter what happens. My life was really awesome before this - was it too good maybe so? I never took it for granted. I knew how blessed we were and was so grateful for everything. This is all much more than anyone should have to deal with and I am not just talking about myself. I am a very optimistic person - always looking for the good and positive but this is just making me CRAZY! The last couple days have not been good days. Ric woke up Weds and freaked because his tongue and roof of his mouth was black. It ended up being thrush (due to the lovely chemo) and was black due to some of the medications he's on. I found a natural mouth rinse that oxygenates the mouth that immediately started working on it and then we were able to get an antibiotic from the doctor that he started the next day (since it was so late for them to get the prescription to the pharmacy). It is basically gone now but in the meantime he has not eaten much. He is achy all over. The last two days all he has wanted to do is stay laying down. He does not weigh much so he really needs to eat. Did you know that most cancer patients actually die from malnutrition? That's why getting good food in them is so important. The steroids were helping him keep an amazing appetite but that's been gone the past few days. It also makes your stomach bloat which is not fun and makes you feel like you are full all the time. The doctor said that the chemo side effects were going to get worse over the next few weeks. We were hoping and praying that they wouldn't as so far they hadn't been too bad. Ric has a CT scan & MRI of the brain on Tuesday the 18th and we meet with the doctor on the 19th to get the results and see where we go from here. What really sucks is that he was feeling sooooo good the last few weeks. We even went to Othello to visit family last weekend. We were supposed to got the UW/Colorado football game today but he's not feeling good enough to go. If Ric is missing a football game then you know he doesn't feel so great. So it boils down to us really needing prayer for Ric to have the side effects go away so he can get moving again and eating again, for good news on the CT scan & MRI and for me to restore my sanity so I can get back to being the caregiver that Ric deserves! Thanks so much for being our support group and for all your prayers and love.